Life Experiences....

For people who don't know I have been separated for about 9 months now. This is the most challenging, hardest, emotionally draining thing that I have ever had to go through in my life. I look back at the last 6 years that I have been married and think to myself about the good and bad times I have had. People have their assumptions on what happened in my marriage or why I am separated. When it comes down to everything, things just didn't work out between me and my husband. As much as I see people wanting to blame it on other factors that they think they know, it's just that we don't see eye to eye on things. If i could go back and change what and where rich and I went wrong I would. People can't change the past. We can only change what is going to happen in the future. Don't be mistaken. I will always love the father of my children. I have watched my children go through such a big transformation in the past 9 months. They have blossomed in personality, but they still have days and moments where I can see this separation having an impact on them. It hurts my heart to see them go through something like this. When your younger and you think about getting married you never would think about getting divorced. Coming from divorced parents I can assure you this is not something I ever wanted let alone ever wanted my children to go through. 

Having my family and friends around throughout all this has been such a relief. Not having to do ll of this on my own has made me appreciate the people I have in my life now. My family has been my biggest supporters in my everyday decisions for my family. Without my mom, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews I don't know where I would be today. Juggling a job and kids is such a challenge and they are the ones who help me every step of the way. Having my grandma's grave so close so I can visit and talk to her has been such a blessing to me. That is one thing I regret, is the fact that my children didn't get to know their grandma Tilini while she was alive. Those are things you cannot take back. I would never take away the chance for my children to feel and know the love that their family has for them. I can say that I have the best friends in my life right now. I couldn't ask for anything better then having a friend who is always there when I need them to talk to.  My long phone calls and nights out with them lightens my load. 

So the question is.... What is my next step? There is nothing more I want then to make all the money in the world and take care of my kids. *haha Since I can't make ALL the money in the world I have to settle with my little job, and living with the BEST Uncle in the world ;) Don't take your marriage, family, or friends for granted you never know when one of them will be gone forever. So from here on, I am gonna continue and finish my schooling and take everyday one step at a time. Loving and holding my children every step of the way. I know that everything will turn out for the best.

Friendships

The world is at peace when I spend my time with you. My heartache and pain put me in a mode that I never thought I would overcome. Then you came. I will always love our long talks, long walks, and everything in between. I’m extremely appreciative of you. You help mold me into a more sensible person as well as a better friend. You defiantly expanded my horizons and introduced me to many positive things. We have a special friendship. I don't know how it got its start, but its warmth dwells within my heart. 

Bingham High School SUCKS

So check this out. My little cousin Seilose is a sophomore at Bingham High School. She was the top debater for the debate team. She had a 4.0 GPA, and a straight A student. She was accused of changing her grades in her math class. The day after she was accused her math teacher (Mrs. Boucher) went on maternity leave. the administration for Bingham asked her to try to prove that she did not changer grades on the computer. Thank goodness Seilose keeps every single thing that she has, because she had her paper copies of her test and they all matched her grades on the computer that she supposedly changed. The administration, Mr. Hicks and Mrs. Gentry, did NOT do anything about her proof. Instead they said that they are going to wait until her teacher comes back from maternity leave. But while they are waiting the school still decided to strip her from all her titles and not let her run for class president for next year. While all of this is going on she has received 2 letters in her locker and 3 emails form someone in the school confessing that they changed her grades and calling her names and telling her they wished she was dead. The letters expressed that they were upset with Seilose for running for president and later letters showed their satisfaction of her not being able to run. She has taken these letters and emails to the administration and they said that they are not going to do anything about it because she could be writing herself these emails and letters. Its sad to see a school be like this. I have gone up there to check the cameras for myself but no luck was there. The police ( Officer Clark ) won't help and the Principle will not pursue anything with these letters because he says they are not threatening. They are pathetic. Two other students have come to other admins and told them they suspected a specific girl name Jessica Vanderkooi of writing the emails because of a piece of paper they found at her desk in class that said the exact same thing verbatim on the emails. They just say that it is a coincidence. I cannot begin to tell you the frustrations that we have been going through with this situation. Nobody is trying to help with anything about the letters and the false accusations of her cheating. So if anyone has any ideas or knows anybody that will listen to us! Let me know!! Thank you for reading!

Question....

Are you missing your sweetheart? You may be thinking of him/her as he/she is now not with you. He/she is far away from you and you are missing each moment, each phase of life once you spent with each other. Its hard to stop your heart and eyes crying and looking for only one glance of your lover. I miss you constantly… all the time. It doesn’t pass. I wish it does… I usually take a moment waiting for it to pass. I try turning my attention to something else. I work, I write, I run, I exhaust myself to the point of helplessness just as so I will not have enough energy or time to miss you. But it just won’t go away. It takes over or co-exist with everything else inside or positions itself in between everything else. But it doesn’t go away. I have never missed anyone this much that it makes my body ache literally. I tried crying. Tears have a magical way of allowing people to feel a little better under different circumstances. That’s useless too. I cry myself to sleep or I cry in the middle of work and I still would miss you with the same intensity, with the same passion, with the same pain. It’s just way too deep that even tears can’t reach it. Relationships are very rarely "perfect" and they are always going to have some issues that develop depending on place, and situation, but many times, what it takes is communication and the mutual effort to work on "things". This brings me to my point: I'm torn. There is a question that needs answering here … and it is not "do you make me happy" but rather: Being that relationships are never easy, am I worth the effort? Are we worth the effort?

Family Time

These past few weeks have been exciting for my little family. We took a trip to Pittsburgh to celebrate Easter and my birthday! I turned 26 (I am getting old :( )  

I spent my birthday with so many people that I love. It has been so far the best birthday for a long time. 

 

We came home for a few days then took a last minute family trip to Disney World in Florida. It was my kids first time to ever be there. They had a blast! They lasted from 11a.m to 11:30p.m. They were such troopers and got to meet and see some of their favorite Disney characters.  

 

 It was Deuce's 6th birthday. That is why we spent it in Florida. But we also celebrated it when we got back home to Utah. We continued our family time at a movie. Which I fell asleep from all the traveling that day! I couldn't have asked for a better 6th birthday for my big boy.

 Now we are back to reality, and things are as they were before our trips and fun. Missing things that I used to have and then some. It has been such a great experience for my kids to see everyone happy and for me to see my kids happy! I am a BIG joker about serious things and situations that I am in, but no matter what life throws at me I will always have them. Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

Happier Note....

Funny Quote Time Again!!!.... a few quotes from movies that I love!!! Enjoy the laugh...

THE PEST
Xantha: Anything you have to say to me... you can say it in front of Malaria.
Pest: Anything?
Xantha: Anything.
Pest: Alright. Malaria's got mossy teeth, dandruff, and a fat butt!
Xantha: PEST!
Malaria: These jeans make me look fat!
Pest: Ah no, Malaria, your fat butt makes you look fat!

Mr. Cheung: You know, you don't even look Chinese. You look like Moe from Three Stooges. I fire your ass! 

ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES
Amanda: Is that your bathing suit?
Wednesday: Is that your overbite?
Gary: Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
Amanda: I'll be the victim!
Wednesday: All your life.

Wednesday: We don't hug.
Becky: Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley: We're not shy.
Wednesday: We're contagious. 

Gomez: [to Fester] You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.

Uncle Fester: Dementia, what a beautiful name.
Dementia: It means "insanity."
Uncle Fester: My name is Fester. It means "to rot." 

Debbie Jellinsky: [to Pubert] Hold still you little brat!
Wednesday: He's not a brat.
Debbie Jellinsky: Of course not. He's an adorable little baby?
Wednesday: Fine. Rub it in!

ROBIN HOOD
Prince John: Such an unusual name, "Latrine." How did your family come by it?
Latrine: We changed it in the 9th century.
Prince John: You mean you changed it TO "Latrine"?
Latrine: Yeah. Used to be "Shithouse."
Prince John: It's a good change. That's a good change! 

Robin Hood: Blinkin, listen to me. They've taken the castle!
Blinkin: I thought it felt a bit drafty. Cor, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He's dead?
Blinkin: Yes...
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while...
[Remembers]
Blinkin: Oh, you were away!
Robin Hood: My brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pongo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: [on the verge of tears] My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.
[pause]
Blinkin: Oh, it's good to be home, ain't it, Master Robin?

Sheriff of Rottingham: King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!
Robin Hood, Maid Marian: What?
Sheriff of Rottingham: I mean, don't you know it's illegal to kill a wild pig in the king's forest? 

Ahchoo: [after Blinkin catches an arrow] Blinkin! How did you do that?
Blinkin: I heard that coming a mile away.
Robin Hood: Right-o, Blinkin, very good.
Blinkin: Pardon? Who's talking?

IT PAT
Hood: So, what we wanna know is are you a brotha or a sista?
Pat: Well, I'm an only child... 

Pat: Spekanse americano por favor?

Too Cruel to be kind...

So it has been a cruel game my life has been playing with me these last few months. Oh if i could only fix the wrongs in my life with a snap of my fingers. My kids have been my biggest supporters and my crutch in my life right now. I don't feel like I could make it through everyday without them. There has been many joyful people that I have accepted or brought into my life also. My Fa'ulao family, my days would be dull and my children and my heart would not be be happy let alone be able to make it through this time of need without them. My brother Travis, he has become my best friend and my love for him has just grown so much. My girlfriends, I don't know where I would be without our much needed talks! Cheers to new friends and to old ones! 

To the people that have problems with me! Thank you! Because without a little challenge in life, it would be too easy to go through. My faith has been tested, my love has been tested, my worth has been tested! We will see where the results fall! All I know right now is how much I would never make any day worth living if it was not for my 4 babies. SO! 

To Deuce, Simaima, WIlliam, and Melia,

You all are my heart. You are stubborn, willful, energetic and incredible children bursting with imagination, thoughtfulness, rambunctiousness and love. You make a quiet room loud and full of clatter, you make a noisy room the most peaceful place in the world. You touch my cheeks with both your hands and kiss my face, loving me for all my faults and forgiving me for my short temper. I never thought.. I never dreamed children could ever be all the things... through all the years that you have been to me. I know over time the pain will be less. But it's OK to cry right now. So just come, and I will hold you and we will cry together. And I will wipe your tears. It's challenging at times for me to describe much I love you! Being your mommy has been one of the greatest gifts in my life. There is nothing that could ever change how I feel about you guys. Since you guys came into my life, I have been stretched and challenged in ways I could not have imagined previously. What is so beautiful about you guys is that you guys remind me you love me without saying a word. There has been many changes, and I have watched you guys ride and make changes accordingly. There will be many more changes. Challenging ones at that. You give me the confidence that I can also change.There is nothing you need to do, for me to love you. I love you simply because you are my children.It's hard for me to describe much I love you guys! Being your mommy has been one of the greatest gifts in my life.There's nothing that could ever change how I feel about you. The greatest joy in my life is the joy i saw in yours. I know that my life would not count for much unless yours was full of every opportunity for happiness it could obtain. I love you guys more than you'll ever know, and I am grateful everyday for your patience, humor, and love that you show me. I will love you always and forever!

Love,

Mommy