To Have

I am a very up front and truthful person. But there is someone that I am not honest with, and that is myself. I am a push over. Especially when it comes to men. I let a man take over my world when I got married and I missed out on time with my loved ones and wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. I know I deserve to be put on a pedestal , but yet I convince myself that it's ok to be put on shelf . It's hard to feel like I'm actually worth to have somebody love me. Not just love me, but the kind of love that has no limits, no walls, trust, and just pure happiness. I can be honest and say that I feel like broken goods. It's hard to maintain a "I'm good enough" attitude with so many put downs, people testing waters now a days, having people in others business, and the inability to hold a relationship. I turn 28 this year. I have had an eventful 28 years of living. I have moved a million places. I have met my share of different people through doing shows. I had 4 beautiful children. I got married. I got divorced. I have taken all the good things out of life, and I have experienced the bad. But I can be honest with myself and know that I want to have someone that cares about me enough to make sure my day is going well, to have someone be happy to tell me hat they love me, and most importantly to have someone around who makes me happy. You don't need titles to have that. So there's no more time for a pity party. I think it's time to grow up.