For people who don't know I have been separated for about 9 months now. This is the most challenging, hardest, emotionally draining thing that I have ever had to go through in my life. I look back at the last 6 years that I have been married and think to myself about the good and bad times I have had. People have their assumptions on what happened in my marriage or why I am separated. When it comes down to everything, things just didn't work out between me and my husband. As much as I see people wanting to blame it on other factors that they think they know, it's just that we don't see eye to eye on things. If i could go back and change what and where rich and I went wrong I would. People can't change the past. We can only change what is going to happen in the future. Don't be mistaken. I will always love the father of my children. I have watched my children go through such a big transformation in the past 9 months. They have blossomed in personality, but they still have days and moments where I can see this separation having an impact on them. It hurts my heart to see them go through something like this. When your younger and you think about getting married you never would think about getting divorced. Coming from divorced parents I can assure you this is not something I ever wanted let alone ever wanted my children to go through.
Having my family and friends around throughout all this has been such a relief. Not having to do ll of this on my own has made me appreciate the people I have in my life now. My family has been my biggest supporters in my everyday decisions for my family. Without my mom, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews I don't know where I would be today. Juggling a job and kids is such a challenge and they are the ones who help me every step of the way. Having my grandma's grave so close so I can visit and talk to her has been such a blessing to me. That is one thing I regret, is the fact that my children didn't get to know their grandma Tilini while she was alive. Those are things you cannot take back. I would never take away the chance for my children to feel and know the love that their family has for them. I can say that I have the best friends in my life right now. I couldn't ask for anything better then having a friend who is always there when I need them to talk to. My long phone calls and nights out with them lightens my load.
So the question is.... What is my next step? There is nothing more I want then to make all the money in the world and take care of my kids. *haha Since I can't make ALL the money in the world I have to settle with my little job, and living with the BEST Uncle in the world ;) Don't take your marriage, family, or friends for granted you never know when one of them will be gone forever. So from here on, I am gonna continue and finish my schooling and take everyday one step at a time. Loving and holding my children every step of the way. I know that everything will turn out for the best.
