Truth...

So it has been since the beginning of the year since I have updated my blog on whats going on in my life. I know you all were just DYING to know. HAHA This year has been probably the most testing and challenging year so far for me. I thought last year took the cake, but I was totally wrong. I don't think anything has tested my faith and my patience as much as this year has. EVER!! There are things/people that make me the happiest person. Too bad those things and people just like to stay anonymous in my life. I respect that in some events... others not so much. Hey what can you do? My family has been the best supporters so far. I recently left my uncles house and I can't express how much I miss my uncle, aunt and my nieces. There is not a day that passes where I wish I was around them 24/7. They have been my rock for the past year. I guess people have to grow up sometimes. I have made the greatest friend I could ask for this past year. I stay grounded and sane because of that.

My days are empty without my kids. I find myself sitting at home not wanting to do anything with my time outside of my household with out them. I count down the minutes until they are back from their dads house. and the weekends he has them makes it feel like forever. They are the only hope I have in my life at the moment. Everything I do I do for my children. I wish I could be half the woman my mother was being a single mom and raising all of us. Still to this day taking care of all of us. 

My faith has dwindled and hope is fading. I can be honest and say I am sure I do not try as hard as my am able to. My long talks with my aunt opens my eyes to how much I have taken for granted and how much I feel sorry for myself for not living up to the expectations of myself. Everyone needs that one person who doesn't cater to your feelings and just tells you what you need to hear to get your butt into gear. How many times does she have to kick me in the butt to get my crap into gear. The people close to me usual know how strong I am. But I think I put up a good front just to keep from the lectures. I especially love my kids and family and unconditional love my few friends with everything that I have. Bear with me my loved ones. I will get my act together.

Ofa Atu