Choices

In the past, people I've met have sometimes been feelers or logicians. These are folk who either "feel" everything or "think (use logic)" about everything. They seem VERY much to support one or the other and they insist that you do, as well.

Such people are not all that smart, I've discovered. The reason is that they too often are led astray because they are choosing to ignore one of the two human ways of knowing. These ways are feelings and logic (thinking.) I have also noted that such folks don't seem to recognize the fact that both of these means can be wrong.

So what do I recommend? I say you should choose the right means of knowing something. If you want to know how you feel, then feel. If you want to analyze, then think.

Love Your Friends

I have come to learn that you cannot always be there for people. Trying to be a good friend has been a 

challenge. I like to think that I have been the best friend to my little circle of friends that I have. We are 

works in process and continually changing throughout life. There are friendships that belong in 

different places and at different times, with different versions of who we are. To demand that a 

friendship continues past its rightful time can be an attempt to turn it into something it isn't, which is to 

take away from what it is. Sometimes the only way to get to have a forever friendship is to let it go in 

the form that it was and allow it to take on the form that it needs to be -- all the while holding it steady 

in your heart.We don't have the happiness always residing beside us and the sadness to also never 

separate from us. We should stick by our friends side. We should always have them in our lives so we 

can share whatever with them, always keep them in our hearts forever.

Loving someone is never wrong .It's a great and amazing thing to love and be loved. Why would it be 

wrong? To love your best friend is such a great power among us all. Trusting, caring, and being there

 for each other is apart love. Never put down love, it's the way we evolve and become stronger and to 

know there's always that one special friend by your side, well that is apart LOVE. 

(love is a hard emotion to define)

Truth...

So it has been since the beginning of the year since I have updated my blog on whats going on in my life. I know you all were just DYING to know. HAHA This year has been probably the most testing and challenging year so far for me. I thought last year took the cake, but I was totally wrong. I don't think anything has tested my faith and my patience as much as this year has. EVER!! There are things/people that make me the happiest person. Too bad those things and people just like to stay anonymous in my life. I respect that in some events... others not so much. Hey what can you do? My family has been the best supporters so far. I recently left my uncles house and I can't express how much I miss my uncle, aunt and my nieces. There is not a day that passes where I wish I was around them 24/7. They have been my rock for the past year. I guess people have to grow up sometimes. I have made the greatest friend I could ask for this past year. I stay grounded and sane because of that.

My days are empty without my kids. I find myself sitting at home not wanting to do anything with my time outside of my household with out them. I count down the minutes until they are back from their dads house. and the weekends he has them makes it feel like forever. They are the only hope I have in my life at the moment. Everything I do I do for my children. I wish I could be half the woman my mother was being a single mom and raising all of us. Still to this day taking care of all of us. 

My faith has dwindled and hope is fading. I can be honest and say I am sure I do not try as hard as my am able to. My long talks with my aunt opens my eyes to how much I have taken for granted and how much I feel sorry for myself for not living up to the expectations of myself. Everyone needs that one person who doesn't cater to your feelings and just tells you what you need to hear to get your butt into gear. How many times does she have to kick me in the butt to get my crap into gear. The people close to me usual know how strong I am. But I think I put up a good front just to keep from the lectures. I especially love my kids and family and unconditional love my few friends with everything that I have. Bear with me my loved ones. I will get my act together.

Ofa Atu

New Year

*Sigh* So the new year is here and it is time for everyone to make resolutions that they will most likely break within the first week of trying them. I can't say much has changed from last year, except for the last number of the year. I made no resolutions this year, because all I am striving to do is make this year better then last. I think that, that is a resolution?? Thanks to my family and my close friends I am 100% sure I can make that happen this year. So go out there a strive for a better year!!!!

2012

2012 is coming to an end soon and what better way to remember this year than by blogging it. This year has probably been the most challenging yet a year full of blessings. I have many obstacles I need to face and overcome, but I would have to say I have the best support system right now in my life to help me through it all. My children are my biggest inspirations. They get me through everyday. I am barely functional at the end of the day but I make it. All because they are the light of my world. I am trying to be the best mommy I can be right now. I don't know how my mom did it all those years by herself. I am in awe of how strong she was, through everything that me and my siblings had put her through. She is truly my hero. I don't think I have ever been so close to my siblings. They are my breath of fresh air and headache at the same time. I love that I can turn to them when I need something and they will gladly help me without a second thought. I got to spend my time with my extended family this year. From trips to our family reunion, we all got to see each other and my kids were able to meet a lot of their aunties and uncles that they have never met before. This year has taught me the importance of family and their role in my life. I will never take for granted the time that we have on this earth with them. My friends! What can I say, from old to new founded friendships. You guys make my life so much more interesting. I don't know what I would do without my long talks and short weekends with you. I'm sure your shoulders are exhausted from being there for me to cry on. My life would never be the same without your love and support. This year was challenging. Next year will be a success! I love you all! Let us end 2012 with a bang!!

Love

My heart is open to love, beyond any hate or fear...In fact, my heart is open even to those who disrespect others and reject the Good. I’m afraid to give you my all, I’m afraid to love you completely. But the truth is I have give you my all, And I do love you completely there is no other person I want more than I want you.. and the reason it always comes down to losing you is because I’m so deeply afraid of losing you.Maybe it’s the way you grab my hand and hold it… or the way you kiss me… or maybe it’s the way you let me put my arms around you… maybe it’s the way you look at me… and your smile just makes me melt… maybe it’s the way we can text for hours about absolutely nothing but I still feel like I just had the best conversation of my whole life… maybe it’s the way that I want to break down and cry when I think about how you hold me up on a pedestal… maybe that’s it… that makes me want you so much.. maybe that’s what makes me miss you so much.. maybe that’s why I’m so afraid of losing you.. maybe your my world.. maybe when you touch me, hold me, look at me, even when your around me I’m happy maybe you are just the most amazing thing in the world.. maybe I love you with all my heart..The truth is you make me happy.. I fall more in love with you every day (:

*Sigh* To feel that would be the best thing in the world to me. Everyone deserves love and to be loved. 

Life Experiences....

For people who don't know I have been separated for about 9 months now. This is the most challenging, hardest, emotionally draining thing that I have ever had to go through in my life. I look back at the last 6 years that I have been married and think to myself about the good and bad times I have had. People have their assumptions on what happened in my marriage or why I am separated. When it comes down to everything, things just didn't work out between me and my husband. As much as I see people wanting to blame it on other factors that they think they know, it's just that we don't see eye to eye on things. If i could go back and change what and where rich and I went wrong I would. People can't change the past. We can only change what is going to happen in the future. Don't be mistaken. I will always love the father of my children. I have watched my children go through such a big transformation in the past 9 months. They have blossomed in personality, but they still have days and moments where I can see this separation having an impact on them. It hurts my heart to see them go through something like this. When your younger and you think about getting married you never would think about getting divorced. Coming from divorced parents I can assure you this is not something I ever wanted let alone ever wanted my children to go through. 

Having my family and friends around throughout all this has been such a relief. Not having to do ll of this on my own has made me appreciate the people I have in my life now. My family has been my biggest supporters in my everyday decisions for my family. Without my mom, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews I don't know where I would be today. Juggling a job and kids is such a challenge and they are the ones who help me every step of the way. Having my grandma's grave so close so I can visit and talk to her has been such a blessing to me. That is one thing I regret, is the fact that my children didn't get to know their grandma Tilini while she was alive. Those are things you cannot take back. I would never take away the chance for my children to feel and know the love that their family has for them. I can say that I have the best friends in my life right now. I couldn't ask for anything better then having a friend who is always there when I need them to talk to.  My long phone calls and nights out with them lightens my load. 

So the question is.... What is my next step? There is nothing more I want then to make all the money in the world and take care of my kids. *haha Since I can't make ALL the money in the world I have to settle with my little job, and living with the BEST Uncle in the world ;) Don't take your marriage, family, or friends for granted you never know when one of them will be gone forever. So from here on, I am gonna continue and finish my schooling and take everyday one step at a time. Loving and holding my children every step of the way. I know that everything will turn out for the best.